HI THAR.

About the ol' fanfic.

I've been gone for like, over a year now. I came back because of this, actually. I knew that people liked my fanfic, but HO MY GAWD I didn't realise how many people.

I've been away because I have kind of felt that this account sort of represented a dark time in my life. I've finally gotten brave enough to come back and face it.

I mean, I think I just finished one of the chapters when my father died suddenly. THen I wound up leaving my Fiance at the time... uncovering the darkness he imbued me with took a long time to heal. I also moved about 5 times too.

I'm much better now, I was diagnosed and treated for a couple of disorders I've had. I've never needed medication thankfully, and I'm much stronger for everything I've gone through.

I did have chapters 8 and nine completed, but they got corrupted in a file transfer. Protip: always make a duplicate backup copy.

Finishing this story will mark a milestone for me. Even if it is a gay erotic slashfic.

So, have some patience, and I'll see what I can accomplish.

I can't thank you enough for your continued support in spite of my extremely long absence.

Thank you.

First of all, I'm sorry, everyone.

I mentioned this to Kojac in one of my comments to his journal, but I've recently learned something about myself.

I'm sorry to all of you, especially all of you who may feel I am avoiding/ignoring you. I've found that sometimes I just need to withdraw. It's like the very freindships I crave intimidate me, or something. I still get anxious, and I have been hesitant to log into my gmail because I'm just feeling so anxious about it.

No one, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE, has done anything to put me off, I'm just in a strange phase. I hope/feel like I might be coming out of it.

I'm REALLY sorry to everyone, but especially sorry to my brother and my mom,(even though she would never be able to read this- she hates computers, I think.) because I haven't called since Christmas. I feel really bad, but every time I think about calling I get so anxious and I'm not exactly sure why.

Timmy, if you're reading, please let mom I'll call her soon, that I'm sorry, I've just felt kind of overwhelmed lately. I hope everything is okay, and I have been worried sick about Cindy and Gary and Brandy, but I just get so damn anxious when I think about calling. I'll be fine, I think I am just feeling overwhelmed by work and other things. I REALLY want to come up next weekend, but I might not be able to... I was forced to pay my Sirius bill and that ate up my whole check. (I didn't want them to turn it off and make her ever more worried)

One reason I didn't call after Christmas was because I got a lung infection, nearly lost my voice and I didn't want mom to worry about me. I'm fine now, I have my health insurance and everything is okay. I thought I wasn't worried about my health but I think that's why I've been anxious... I thought I was relaxed about things but I'm not sure now.

I love you very very very much, and I'm really sorry.
I know that Seddel Tundra, Ark, Corbenik, and everybody have been worried about me, but I promise I'm okay, I'm just going through a social anxiety phase. I promise it's temporary, and I'll be back on FA, Furtopia, Meadows and all that stuff soon.

Allow me to be political for a moment, since I just returned from a rally. (I'm pretty pumped about it.)

Both Democrats and Republicans are all saying the same things. They know that most Americans are not happy with the way things are, how the war is progressing, how the war began undeclared and behind the backs of the voters and taxpayers. They've all been caught with their hands in the cookie jar, and Americans are angry. So they try to appease the people by spewing what whatever it is they believe that we want to hear. They lie, and flip-flop. Flip-flop is what I want to hear from sandals, not from my Presidential candidates. Don't let them fool you. They'll kiss your ass and wipe it for you if you'll vote for them.

The War was NEVER declared by Congress (which is unconstitutional) as is the appropriate route for waging war. This gives the people the opportunity to up heave a declaration of war via their elected representatives (this is no longer true due to the 17th Amendment, I'll get to that).

The Patriot Act (which is anything BUT) was snuck into Congress for a vote, practically in secret, (not all of the congresspeople even knew about it) and it is rumoured that it wasn't even in print when the vote passed it. Forget 'hot-off-the-presses', IT MIGHT NOT HAVE EVEN BEEN PRINTED YET!! How can a member of congress read and act that has not yet been printed?!

See, none of the candidates are acknowledging the trending towards totalitarianism (which began in 1913 with the suspension of Habeas Corpus [which protects against unlawful detention], the Income Tax was instated [Which, by the way, is not only unconstitutional but THERE IS NO LAW REQUIRING THE FILING OF INCOME TAXES, that's right folks, you don't need to file taxes] and the 17th Amendment was also passed, which required Senators to be APPOINTED and no longer allowed the people to chose their Senators by vote.). They refuse to acknowledge it because THEY BENEFIT FROM IT... Except Dr. Paul, who does not participate in the lucrative programs offered to congresspeople. Lucrative programs paid for by me and by you.

He wants to reinstate Habeas Corpus and repeal the Income Tax and 17th Amendment(among other things)... He wants to return America to "For the People BY the people." Not "For the President by the President."

The American people don't like what's happening in the name of their country, and yet we are powerless to stop it because the Government, on a daily basis, chips away at the rights we were given upon the founding of this country.

Ron Paul wants to return to the intent of the Constitution, and has for many years. His record is flawless and he has always voted with the Constitution in mind. Because of this, he has frequently voted 'no' (and been the only one) on unconstitutional bills, which earned him the nickname "Dr. No" (He is a retired Dr. and OB GYN).

Yes, I was at the Boston Tea Party 2007.

He believes in individual rights and freedom, rather than big government and over-regulation by bureaucrats and special interests groups.

His consistency, humility and patriotism is what makes him so attractive. He is fearless in the face of opposition and has never lied about his record.

Yes, he is a Republican. But the members of his own party criticise and laugh at him.

Keep in mind, Galileo was treated much the same way when the he declared that the world was not flat.

I don't do requests. Srsly.

*sigh*

Well, a few of you, my friends, know that my dad had Scleroderma. Less of you know that shortly before my dad's death, that his doctor told me that I have to keep my eye out for Scleroderma myself. This is pretty unusual, considering Scleroderma has so far been discovered to be less than hereditary.

So I was looking online, specifically because I've noticed an increase in my Raynaud's activity, and because I have been feeling unbelievably cold. The house is a good temp, mid 60s, so why the fudge do I feel like it's 40 in here?!

In the past, I have monitored my body temperature. It's low, I'm normally about 94.7 to 95.7. Well, a remembered today that a nurse I had mentioned this fact to (Specifically RN Anne Schuttinger, head of the Nursing Department at CMCC) expressed a deep concern over a possibility of my having Hypothyroidism ( [Link One] | [Link Two] ). I thought, "PSSHT! Fudge-sticks, I'm not overweight."

I don't know if my Dad had it or not, but this chart from this site, worries me to no end. It states that the presence of Hypothyroidism is one of the factors used to determine the likelihood of having Scleroderma. (Because there is no one 'test' for it).

However, I learned today that this and one other condition (considered linked and/or symptomatic of Scleroderma) ARE hereditary, my father had one of them definitively, and I have some symptoms of both them in my medical history (which is specifically why my dad's doctor was considered- my history and my fathers are nearly identical).

Anemia. I have almost always come up as anemic on blood tests in the passed. I was unconcerned, a nurse told me it was a normal occurrence in people of my profile; pale with blue eyes and red hair.

Well, I've just learned about Pernicious Anemia ( [Link One] | [Link Two] ) which is not only hereditary, but considered a form of B12 deficiency... Which my father also had. The only symptom? Repetitive 'normal' anemia.

Holy crap I'm really nervous now. I'm so glad I'm going to be working soon. Next month I'll have health insurance so I can get some tests done: hopefully resulting in some peace-of-mind, and not any diagnosis.

Merry effing Christmas to me.